When Your Heart Breaks

I wrote a post. I was optimistic. While I thought I had a miscarriage, I was told my baby was still growing. A few weeks later that hope was gone as I headed to the ER to assess my condition.

It is hard to describe a human journey. While it is terrifying and incredibly sad to lose a baby, more than anything you are mourning the loss of the life you envisioned happening. It is not just a group of cells that have left your body, but the dream of what tomorrow was going to bring. It is the pain of a failed plan, empty holidays, and fear of an inadequate body.

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The most eye opening is that this is so fucking common. While feeling isolated, alone, depressed, and ashamed I began sharing my news with people who I didn’t even care to tell I was pregnant. In those conversations I became privy to 7 other miscarriages out of four friendly conversations. That is a pretty astonishing number.

This brought upon two thoughts. 1. There is hope and always will be. 2. The world has been moderating and confining women for so long that this natural and very likely outcome is shamed. It is easier to blame the woman for inadequacies, hide her from the world, and expect her to only share when she feels validated with a successful pregnancy. Meanwhile social media continues to blast her with happy family photos, adds for formula, and pictures of the perfect nursery.

This is not acceptable. It is our job to embrace and care for everyone despite their reproductive abilities. – maybe that is why people are so hard on the LGBTQ+ community, because they want to control how we repopulate the earth.. that’s for another time.

The number of “Praying for you” texts from non praying people shook me. This isn’t a mistake, this is a loss of a life and dreams. Yet society says “just try again”. I share a lot on this blog. Partly for my healthy, and clearing of my mind, but also to hopefully let you know that if you are reading this, you are not alone. This world can be a scary place. I know, I am feeling uneasy and thirsty for change as I write, but there is hope and I pray that you can carry that hope with you.

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While my words are my personal thoughts, I hope they can help you validate your own experiences as you travel through this natural life.

Finally, you can’t love someone else until you love yourself and finding ways to do that even after a loss is imperative.

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